ICF describes the ability to maintain presence as being fully conscious and present with the client, employing a style that is open, flexible, grounded and confident. Our coachee is hungry for someone to listen to them without judgment. Why is it important to maintain presence apart from the obvious reason that the coachee is compensating us for showing up to work?
When I listen to someone, I often find myself connecting my own experiences with the speaker’s story, looking for similarities and differences. In doing that, I am not focused on what the speaking is telling me. I start missing vital points and I end up sharing my own story with the speaker. This is OK when you are talking with a friend but not with a coach.
When a coach listens to a coachee and reflects back what the coachee expresses and uses some of the same language in statements and questions, it sends a powerful sense of safety to the coachee, encouraging them to dig deeper into their feelings and experiences.
When a coach holds a mirror up to the coachee and represents key points back to the coachee both verbally and non-verbally, the coachee will see things more clearly and objectively. Asking the right questions and making appropriate comments to the coachee offers them opportunities for deeper reflection and thinking. (More about the power of questions in a later blog).
So how do we maintain a presence? Here are some tips and pearls of wisdom from my colleagues:
- Before each coaching session, practise techniques such as deep breathing and meditation to centre ourselves; remove distractions such as switching off our phone or other apps on our laptop.
- Practise active listening, listen with intent, maintain eye contact with the coachee to demonstrate genuine empathy and create a safe space for deeper soul searching.
- Adapt and adjust our pace in sync with our coachee. Allow time for pauses and reflections.
- Be aware of the coachee’s emotions, tone of voice, facial expessions and body language to gain insight into the emotional state of the coachee to show empathy.
- Be aware of and in control of our own emotions so that we stay present with the coachee.
By maintaining a presence, we demonstrate to our coachee that we are in lockstep with them on their journey.
